For those of you who have been following me for a few years now are aware that I am an animator. I’ve been doing this for nearly 5 years now. I love art and creating things. Animation and animating has been a big thing for me ever since I was a kid. I’ve always dreamed of making my own cartoon show or video game. Once I actually learned how to do it, I fell in love with it more. Recently I haven’t been creating anything… actually barely anything. I know a lot of people think I don’t want to do it anymore or simply move on to my Youtube career which is just being an entertainer. The thing is it’s not true.
Yes I am taking a break from creating art. No I’m not stopping forever. This past year has been the hardest for me, more so of what I want to do with my life. I thought I wanted to do animation/art full-time but I don’t know if I can handle that anymore. I suffer a lot with my mental health and it’s worsen this year. It seriously takes control over my creative process. Be it my depression or my anxiety… they always find their way into my art. It gets so bad to the point where I never finish what I started and it hurts me a lot. The last project I worked on was for Achievement Hunter, their animation contest. I did enjoy it but after it was done I felt like I couldn’t do it anymore. So I’ve been taking these past few months off from it, which I know is bad because I’m out of practice (I’m so rusty it’s hard for me to draw too).
I tell myself it’s okay because I needed a break. I never took a break, a real break, from my animation life these past 5 years. I know I’m a workaholic because if I don’t do something I feel like I’m wasting my time, so I always find something to do. I feel like I need to stop, which is why I’ve been focusing on my Youtube career because it’s a lot less pressure making videos there than completing an animation with only 7-14 days to work on it. I’ve gotten comments like “I hope you don’t turn into Arin (Egoraptor) and abandon your animations.” Here’s the thing, I’m not and I respect Arin for what he’s doing in his life now.
Arin “Egoraptor” Hanson is a animator and one half of the Youtube group Game Grumps. People have ridiculed him because he stopped animating (at least on the internet) and just focused on his Youtube career. Arin is a huge inspiration for me, he was ever since I found his animations on Newgrounds when I was 12. But he has said in the past he was unhappy with doing animations, and I get it now. It’s not that I hate it or won’t ever do it again, maybe animating full-time isn’t for me. Maybe I won’t ever get to work in a game studio or animation studio. Maybe I won’t ever have my name within the credits of the next Pixar film and I think I’m okay with it. I use to think after graduating college I needed to be this huge artist in order to please my family, friends, and mentors. But I realize how ridiculous that goal is now. So for anyone who knows me personally, I’m sorry but I won’t achieve something like that and I hope you understand.
(My latest animation I did for Achievement Hunter)
Right now I’m happy with what I’ve created online. I’m happy being a Youtuber, and yes I plan to continue with my art, just in a different way. I’ve always wanted to create my own game and you know what? I’ve started. Might not be a AAA game you’ll find on the Xbox or PS4 but it will be something where I can have full control of creativity. It’s a slow process but I’m excited to share what I’ve been making. Furthermore what I have planned for my Youtube channels. I’m bringing back my animations… but more so for me. Not a fan animation or a animation for a contest. Animations for myself, my characters and my channel. My art store will be opening soon and maybe it won’t be successful like last time but I’m not going to try to please anyone with it. I’m going to draw what I want and if you love it then thank you!
All in all if you’re reading this and struggling with your creativity just remember to do it for you. Please don’t try to please everyone because you can’t. You never will. It’s something I’m trying to learn as I go along.